AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I should be on my way to go teach right now. Obviously, since I'm writing in here, I'm not. Two students cancelled lessons today, and I am fucking sick and tired of being screwed over by students...or rather, their parents.
Last Thursday, I had only 1 of 4 students show up, one called a couple of hours before her lesson to cancel, one didn't bother to tell me they were going out of town until I called five minutes into their lesson time to find out where they were, and other didn't show up at all, no phone call, nothing.
Yesterday, I had to drop another student (who I loved to teach, otherwise I would not have continued to drive all the way out there) because they kept cancelling on me last minute, the last time being via email, and I am just so glad that I checked it, because normally, I wouldn't have. Oh yeah, and these were the parents that inadvertantly sent me an email about me, and how they didn't feel I was pushing their child hard enough. Yeah, seriously.
And today? Already two students cancelled, and I was busting my ass to get ready and out the door to teach one of them when they called. And I can't get the freaking printer to work to print out all the contracts I am going to make my students sign because I just can't take this anymore, and honeymoon plans are all up in the freaking air and we may not be able to afford Greece, which is fine and I don't really care, but it causes all kinds of tension and crap and unnecessary headache that neither Dan nor I really feel up to dealing with. And freaking favors??? Like coming to the wedding isn't favor enough? You really want me to get all frantic and borderline-nervous-breakdown-ish over some stupid kitchy thing you are probably going to throw away after the wedding? Seriously? At this point, I just want to be married and have it all over and done with because it just seems like way more headache than it is worth.
Ok. Taking a moment to breathe.
Tuesday was Composers Inc. Much better than last time, that is for sure. Didn't really dig the e.e. cummings setting, was rather indifferent (despite the many tritones), and the trumpet and perc. piece, was ok, I think I'm just biased against that kind of ensemble. La Rocca's piece was lovely and pretty and just like all his other choral pieces on latin texts. Is that a criticism? well, maybe, maybe not. He does it well, for sure, but been there, heard that. And the Golijov was probably my favorite of the night. I love the klezmer thing, Tony Striplen is a great clarinetist (although, it would have been nice if he hadn't destroyed the mood of the piece by leaving music backstage) and freaking rocked on the bass clarinet (it is fucking hard to play that high that well on that thing). And I still maintain that basset horn's place is in period ensembles playing Mozart's Requiem or something...it's virtually extinct for a reason.
And though I was not so disappointed with this concert, I seem to still be less enamored with it than I used to be. Perhaps it is just me, maybe my tastes have developed, or maybe I am becoming what my mother has called me since high school, a "music snob." Whatever. I've got my tastes and I'm sticking to them...until they change of course.
And of course, going to any sort of new music concert always makes me think about and question what I am writing...or not writing. The orchestra piece has for now taken a backseat, I just can't deal with all the elements right now. So I started working on something new (as mentioned in a previous, pre-lesson panicked post...wow, that was some unintended alliteration) but it's not really new-sounding, it is still freaking ripped straight out of Ravel's Mallarme setting, though it is good that I am really trying to work on string writing (I swear I will figure out harmonics if it's the last thing I ever do). It is very frustrating to have just about everyone on my ass for not writing new music (and I do mean just about everyone...old professors, my fiancee, my own dad who has the most impeccable timing to tell me crap like that, band directors, old teachers, and of course, me) when really, this is MY problem, and I'm the one that gets to deal with it, ya know, it's not like I haven't noticed that I haven't written anything new in a year. And no, putting it off until after the wedding doesn't really feel like a reasonable option, 1. because of the incredible guilt I will feel (and have felt) for not writing music, and really the last thing I need is to give me another reason to hate myself, 2. it will make it that much harder to start up again, 3. it gives me a way of not doing wedding stuff for some small portion of time without feeling guilty. So I'll keep plugging away. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
Damn. this is really long. and rather angry/bitchy/ranting. But I feel a lot better now. =)
Last Thursday, I had only 1 of 4 students show up, one called a couple of hours before her lesson to cancel, one didn't bother to tell me they were going out of town until I called five minutes into their lesson time to find out where they were, and other didn't show up at all, no phone call, nothing.
Yesterday, I had to drop another student (who I loved to teach, otherwise I would not have continued to drive all the way out there) because they kept cancelling on me last minute, the last time being via email, and I am just so glad that I checked it, because normally, I wouldn't have. Oh yeah, and these were the parents that inadvertantly sent me an email about me, and how they didn't feel I was pushing their child hard enough. Yeah, seriously.
And today? Already two students cancelled, and I was busting my ass to get ready and out the door to teach one of them when they called. And I can't get the freaking printer to work to print out all the contracts I am going to make my students sign because I just can't take this anymore, and honeymoon plans are all up in the freaking air and we may not be able to afford Greece, which is fine and I don't really care, but it causes all kinds of tension and crap and unnecessary headache that neither Dan nor I really feel up to dealing with. And freaking favors??? Like coming to the wedding isn't favor enough? You really want me to get all frantic and borderline-nervous-breakdown-ish over some stupid kitchy thing you are probably going to throw away after the wedding? Seriously? At this point, I just want to be married and have it all over and done with because it just seems like way more headache than it is worth.
Ok. Taking a moment to breathe.
Tuesday was Composers Inc. Much better than last time, that is for sure. Didn't really dig the e.e. cummings setting, was rather indifferent (despite the many tritones), and the trumpet and perc. piece, was ok, I think I'm just biased against that kind of ensemble. La Rocca's piece was lovely and pretty and just like all his other choral pieces on latin texts. Is that a criticism? well, maybe, maybe not. He does it well, for sure, but been there, heard that. And the Golijov was probably my favorite of the night. I love the klezmer thing, Tony Striplen is a great clarinetist (although, it would have been nice if he hadn't destroyed the mood of the piece by leaving music backstage) and freaking rocked on the bass clarinet (it is fucking hard to play that high that well on that thing). And I still maintain that basset horn's place is in period ensembles playing Mozart's Requiem or something...it's virtually extinct for a reason.
And though I was not so disappointed with this concert, I seem to still be less enamored with it than I used to be. Perhaps it is just me, maybe my tastes have developed, or maybe I am becoming what my mother has called me since high school, a "music snob." Whatever. I've got my tastes and I'm sticking to them...until they change of course.
And of course, going to any sort of new music concert always makes me think about and question what I am writing...or not writing. The orchestra piece has for now taken a backseat, I just can't deal with all the elements right now. So I started working on something new (as mentioned in a previous, pre-lesson panicked post...wow, that was some unintended alliteration) but it's not really new-sounding, it is still freaking ripped straight out of Ravel's Mallarme setting, though it is good that I am really trying to work on string writing (I swear I will figure out harmonics if it's the last thing I ever do). It is very frustrating to have just about everyone on my ass for not writing new music (and I do mean just about everyone...old professors, my fiancee, my own dad who has the most impeccable timing to tell me crap like that, band directors, old teachers, and of course, me) when really, this is MY problem, and I'm the one that gets to deal with it, ya know, it's not like I haven't noticed that I haven't written anything new in a year. And no, putting it off until after the wedding doesn't really feel like a reasonable option, 1. because of the incredible guilt I will feel (and have felt) for not writing music, and really the last thing I need is to give me another reason to hate myself, 2. it will make it that much harder to start up again, 3. it gives me a way of not doing wedding stuff for some small portion of time without feeling guilty. So I'll keep plugging away. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
Damn. this is really long. and rather angry/bitchy/ranting. But I feel a lot better now. =)
posted by Jessica at
2:43 PM
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