5 days later

tuesday I had the greatest freaking lesson ever. I learned how to put ideas on paper, which may seem like a very obvious thing, but, well, not for me. But now I can. I would dismiss ideas before writing them down, get so caught up in details I couldn't see any sort of big picture. Sketchy though the big picture is now.

So I had this great learning experience, and I haven't done much with it. I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't want to realize it was just some fluke. That the stars were just magically aligned for a moment, which just happened to be in lesson. Yes, I realize this is totally stupid. That not doing something will not keep me from being let down.

After my lesson, I got a call from Peabody, I've made the first cut. At first I was estatic, now I'm petrified. Nerves have set in, big time. I sat in on theory classes yesterday, and it is terribly apparent how little I remember. And dictation? Good God. I think I did better that day I sat in as a junior in freaking high school than I did yesterday. Pulled out the macgamut cd for practice, and it sent my computer on the fritz. Avoiding things seems to be a trend, lately, since I haven't turned my computer on to see if it works today.

Maybe the concert tonight will be inspiration to stop freaking out and get going.